I have three more months until I meet my little one and get my body back. In the first two trimesters it was hard forcing food down, now it’s all I want and the wait gain is putting a toll on my heart. I’ve been this weight before, this size before and I hated it. Finally I got free of it now here I am back in the fat jeans I swore off and only kept as a reminder of where I’ve been. I know this is all part of a healthy pregnancy and I haven’t gained weight excessively, plus I’m eating healthy but my self esteem and image are right back where they started; sad, destructive and boarderline hopeless. I will not be an unhealthy obese person again. Three years ago I was on the verge of losing my life simply because I treated my body like a garbage can. Your body is a divine temple and you will never get what you want from it while you eat out of a box. These pregnancy hormones got me feeling the blues and it doesn’t help everyone in Boulder is beyond fit and attractive.
Marijuana addiction/withdrawl, while mild compared to hard substances and only affects 25% of chronic users, is very real. No shakes but oh the nausea, no appetite and the vomiting that will insue if you try.
This is an appreciation post about cucumbers. They are so delicious, go eat some.
You never really move on from memories. I never really learned how to make new friends. Still content with the old and mildly wondering what happen to the others. Still got my one best friend here with me and all the others I miss that flew the coop and got the hell away from this place. Making friends was never hard for me but just the thought now gives me anxiety. I miss the comfortable company I had in highschool. I guess I don’t miss the people as much as I do the security of knowing someone has your back. I almost wish things turned out different but I certainly wouldn’t be where I am today. I’m very thankful for the beautiful life I created, starting a family with my fiancé. I just know I would feel better if I had those girls by my side. Time shows you who your friends are, at least I tried to make ammends.